I feel strange today. The weather here has been strange. I read in the paper that in the past 35 days only 7 of them have been without rain. I like rainy days but this is too much. I miss the sun.
I could have died yesterday. Usually when people are spared from the big sleep they have some sort of epiphany, like, "Fuck, man, I could have DIED. FUUUCK! GOD has spared me for a reason. I am going to stop drinking and turn my life around. I'm going to help inner city children learn how to read. I am going to be the best motherfucker I can be! I am going to warn professional wrestlers about the dangers of steroids. I am going to get religion and witness to the masses!"
That didn't happen for me. I look at the scab on my right hand and nothing has changed. I have a good story. That's it. I'm the same guy. Is that normal? I don't know. I thought I would have some sense of purpose after yesterday. I don't. I'm just as confused as ever. My life is still in limbo. "Doubt" is still fucking with me. (Now more than ever)
Being a grown-up sucks!
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