I'm scared

I just got news today that the store I work at is going to be closing at the beginning of August. I thought I had another 6 months until this happened. I thought I had six months to save my money and put a resume' together. Now I have ONE. I won't be completley out of a job. My superiors have told me that I am of value to the company. But it does mean I will probably be getting a pay cut. I know I have stated several times that I am not a huge fan of my job, but I wasn't going to quit until I found another one that paid the same amount of money. I don't want to take a pay cut. I like being able to afford to live on my own and not have to depend on anyone but me to keep a roof over my head. Of course I am not supposed to know any of this yet. But my boss told me because they told him, but i can't tell any of my other employees. Oh GOD! I'm dreading that. "Hey guys guess what?....." fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.......FUCK!!!! So I think I will be starting a collection so I don't have to start doing "favors" for older men to keep a roof over my head.

Oh GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!!!!!!!!

Tell me THIS isn't fucked up. A new proposal would fast-track citizenship for illegal immigrants aged 18-24 IF they join the military. I guess recruiting numbers are that low....

Father's Day.

"As my bones grew they did hurt,They hurt really bad,

I tried hard to have a father, But instead I had a dad,

I just want you to know that I don't hate you anymore,

There is nothing I can say that I haven't thought before"







-Kurt Cobain,

Serve The Servants.







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I wasn't raised by my biological father. I didn't meet him until I was 19 when my parents thought it would be good for me to get the hell out of town because I had warrants out for my arrest. (for probation violation, I was on probation because I got caught shoplifting. I got caught shoplifting because I made a stupid mistake...anyway, I'll have to tell that story sometime soon).



So I will tell you all about my step-father. He's an alcoholic truck driver from Chicago. He's an asshole who smacked my mother, sisters, and me around for no good reason. He once called me "worthless" because one time in the third grade I used the wrong tape to record Little House On the Prairie. (On BETA no less) He once beat the shit out of my mother and called her a N***** lover repeatedly for going to a black urologist.

He's a huge beast of a man. 6'3" 300 lbs. He has huge hands, a loud booming voice and a beer gut that forbids him from seeing his feet. He drinks a case of natural light every day. He looks kind of like Archie Bunker but bigger. I would show you all picture of the man but it has been raining all day so going to Kinko's isn't an option. It's odd. I love the guy. He raised me, but he also traumatized the fuck out of me. I startle easily. To this day whenever I hear a pick-up truck pull up I get nervous just like I did when I was a child and he was getting home from work. I never knew what kind of mood he would be in. I don't know how much I want to tell you about him. It took my little sister beating the shit out of him and a night in jail to get him to wise up and get some help. He is now on anti-depressants and benzodiazopines. I wish I could say it was me, but I'm a fucking coward. Some kids were scared of the bogey-man. For me the bogey-man was my dad.