Things are looking up......sort of...

I talked to my older step-sister today. It was kind of strange. She takes after my dad a little. She's boisterous, and a little on the pushy side. She's a cool person. She offered to let me stay with her which is VERY cool. She lives in the suburbs of Chicago, but the upside is that there is a train that runs from there into the city. (very cool)

The job interview this morning could have been better. They didn't call me until after 10AM. I was nervous and under slept. They didn't care for the fact that I didn't have a driver's license. I get this impression that they think of me as the title character in The 40 Year Old Virgin. I don't drive and I ride my bike everywhere. They told me that if hired I would have to train Aurora Illinois. (I stifled myself before I made the gratuitous Wayne's World reference.) That's where not having a car comes to bite me in the ass. They are having a job fair next Wednesday for people who actually live in the area.




I can only hope that all the other applicants are mentally challenged....

Time....

I have 43 minutes until my interview. I am nervous as hell. I'm tired. I have been up since 04:30 hrs. I feel like shit. It's raining outside. I'm spewing thoughts just for the sake of spewing. I'm hungry. I'm waiting for my hard boiled eggs to cool off. There are 36 minutes to go now, time flies when you are saying nothing. I'm watching C-span....god I'm boring. 35 minutes to go.

I hate job interviews, I want this to go well. I'm under-slept and overworked(mentally), but the won't know that .......33 minutes to go.

Why do I do this?

I am in that same pattern I get myself stuck in every few months. I drink myself stupid for a long period of time then I have a moment of clarity and think to myself "Fuck me, I'm a mess" And then I try to wean myself off of the shit. I feel strange when I am sober. My brain is overactive. I have a hard time sleeping, I get achy and irritable.I'm tired but not sleepy. I know if I try to lay down I will just toss and turn and listen to the chili-dogs in my stomach digest.(Chili-dogs= McNazty's favorite comfort food)

I hate myself right now. (not in a self loathing kind of way, it's just my situation) I can't focus. The TV is too loud. I have too much stuff. I can't think straight, I can't think straight, I can't think straight, I'm sick of hearing about Harry Potter. I'm worried about people. I'm worried about my mother. I'm worried for people in Iraq. I'm worried for the people of America. If you haven't figured it out by now I'm typing random thoughts that come to mind just to let them out. I'm itching like a junkie who needs a fix. My guitar is horribly out of tune. I need to shave. I need a haircut. I need to clean my apartment. I need to....stop. What the hell am I going to do?

one-oh-one.

I am on day two of my second foray into sobriety. I feel okay I guess. Nervous more than anything. I have a job interview in the morning, 09:00 hrs. I really want this job. It will be a huge load off of my troubled mind.

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Today was the day I told the rest of my staff that they would be unemployed by this time next week. I'm not okay with this. I wish there were something I could do for them. They are all good kids. It's just shitty being in my position. I feel I am about to walk off a cliff and there is nothing I can do to prevent it.

There is not much else I can think to write about now, I'm hungry and craving something boozy. I'll write more when the DT's set in.

Aussies....

For My hundreth post I thought I would add something special:


I always knew that Austrailians were a tough lot but this takes the cake...
chasers war on everything

Add to My Profile More Videos

Video Bar and Spiders on drugs

I found this clip on a friend's Myspace and I thought I would share it with my faithful few readers.

I also added a video bar to the ol' boggity blog i have entitled it "PUNK ROCK". It has clips by the Sex Pistols, Black Flag, and MC5. Okay, some of you are probably thinking: "who the hell is MC5, they certainly don't look like punk-rockers. Why, this stuff is from the 60's! Punk rock didn't happen until the 70's There is a psychedelic,hippy liquid projection in one of these videos!" I know this. But I feel that the MC5 and other heavy rock bands of the late 60's laid the bedrock for the punk movement of the 70's and that is why I have included it. Just listen to the riff in "Kick Out the Jams" and you will see what I mean.

I feel sick

I drank too much last night. My stomach is queasy. I have been spending too much time with my old friend AL(cohol). If booze is so bad for you why is Guinness so tasty? Why are the legal drugs so hard to kick?

I have some experience with drugs, I have done everything under the sun except for crack and heroin.I walked around with a monkey on my back called cocaine on and off for a few years.In the 90's it was psychedelics, if it made you see pretty colors I did it. I was never much of a pill popper though. I guess I never trusted drugs that were made by "the man". Up until a few months ago I was a hardcore pothead. I don't think pot is bad. I think it should be legalized, in fact, I think it should be prescribed to people like my dad. I just stopped doing it because it made me too lazy. I just sat around and did nothing, I was too lazy to even play a video game. I couldn't write I couldn't even pick up my guitar (I could pick it up physically. But playing the thing was a complete waste). So now, I just drink. Hi my name's McNazty, and I'm an alcoholic. I may try to quit again. I think I will try to see how long I will last without the stuff. The last time I went almost a whole month without a drink. The first five days were the worst as evidenced here and here. I felt like this song sounds, paranoid and chaotic inside.It was difficult to string thoughts together, I felt weak. It was rough to say the least. I need to get my shit together.
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In other news I have the second interview with the pet hotel people. I really hope I get this. I think it would be a good job for me.I'm better with animals than people most of the time. The last interview was pretty intense I really thought I was crashing and burning but the person liked me enough to pass me along to the people to my potential superiors.

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I watched the film Sicko last night. It was really good. I always knew that the U.S. had a shitty health care system. Did you know that Nixon played a big part in what our system has become? Did you know that in France you can call a doctor to come to your house like you would a plumber? FOR FREE? In Britain the cost of prescription drugs is 6.65 pounds (about 13 bucks) per script, NO MATTER WHAT THE DRUG! Anything from penicillin (cheap) to HIV drugs (expensive as hell). In freaking CUBA, A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY, there is a doctor on practically every block, and they also make house calls. I am so sick of the greed in this country. The only reason my mother qualified for medicaid is because she is old and poor and disabled. I'm young and relatively healthy so I probably wouldn't qualify. America is still the richest country world (last time I checked anyway) why is it that it's citizens are unhealthy and 63% of it's high school graduates can't find Britain on a globe. (That number may be wrong, oh and I'm a high school dropout but I can find Britain on a globe) Somewhere, George Orwell is probably having a good chuckle and saying "I told you so". If you keep the people dumb, sick, and scared they will be compliant . Actually, now that I think about it, Oceania probably had a good health care system.

W.T.F.

Yesterday I had a job interview with a pet hotel in Chicago and guess what, they actually want to do a second interview! WHAT THE FUCK? A second interview? ME? WOW... I'm still a little shocked by it. They asked me if I could be in Chicago in on the 23rd for an in-person interview. I told them I was still obligated to my current employer, they said they would set up another phone interview. W.T.F.? I still can't believe all of this. *fingers crossed*

In other news: I may have to say goodbye to a dear old friend....my computer, I figured since I would be moving I should try to get rid of as much as I can. But fear not, I will use the money from the sale of my big beige box to buy a sleek new lap-top.

#####

I will post more later I just looked at the clock and realized that I have to go to work now.

Goldstien? (correction)

In my last post I stated that none of the Iraq bechmarks had been met. I was wrong, it was half Sorry for that. More later

Goldstien?

You ever notice that whenever things start going REALLY bad for Gov. Bush the chatter starts about Al Qaeda again? It reminds me of George Orwell's 1984. If you haven't read it you should. There is serious talk of pulling out of Iraq, NONE of the "benchmarks" for success there have been met, there are people in congress pushing for impeachment, everyone is throwing a fit about EVERYTHING the man has done and then, suddenly, Fatherland...'er...Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff says he has a "gut feeling" that Al Qaeda is going to attack the US this summer. *cough-bullshit-cough*

I'm not saying that Al-Qaeda isn't a bad organization,or a threat, that would just be stupid. What I AM saying is that they are being used by our own government as tool of misdirection.

If the people are scared they won't pay attention while the government picks their pockets, takes away their freedoms, and marches off their young to die in the desert.

WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.

Is my skepticism misplaced?

So tired....

I'm worn out. I haven't been able to do much latley but eat and sleep. I force myself to go to work when I have to. I'm always late. I guess it doesn't matter really. Why should I care about being ontime to a job that I will only have for 11 more days anyhow? (They moved the date to 7/26) My mother's condition has worsened. She has pnuemonia. I don't handle death well. I tend to run from it, I shut it out, I try to pretend it's not happening. I think this is because after my grandfater died my mother turned into a complete basket-case. She could barely function. She would break down at family gatherings. She turned into a different person after that. I guess I don't want the same thing to happen to me.I tried to talk to her today. That was hard. She can barely talk since she has a tube in her throat now. To make matters worse there was some kind of interference on the line and I could barely hear anything except for what sounded like radio commercials. It's really tough to talk to your dying mother while someone is trying to hawk their wares in a pleasant voice in your ear. I hate this feeling. I feel powerless.