2000 flushes....

This yet another sign of how old I am getting. I bought a pack of 2000 flushes. It turns the toilet water blue. Yep, I'm a 30 year old man with blue toilet water. I'm straight, really. I have decided to keep a "flush log" to see if this stuff really lives up to it's name. Further proof that I have no life. I have been counting down and have decided to associate a flush with a year. This is what I have so far:

2000: "Dubya" gets "Elected" FLOOSH!
1999: I met my ex. FLOOSH!
1998: I endured a really BAD, BAD, HORRIBLE relationship with a girl that liked to fuck my friends more than me FLOOSH!
1997: I went to jail for a month. FLOOSH!
1996: I moved to Houston FLOOSH!
1995: I tried drugs for the first time, lost my virginity, and got arrested for the first time. FLOOSH!
1994: I dropped out of high school, Kurt Cobain checked out, one of my best friends moved away. FLOOSH!
1993: I was an awkward geeky kid who looked like a 5th grader in HIGH SCHOOL. FLOOSH!
1992: I tried booze for the first time FLOOSH!
1991: I started high school in a place full of red- neck pan-sexual cowboys and jocks that all wanted to kick my ass because I was small and had more than a few brain cells. (God, I hated that place.) FLOOSH!


That's where I'm at right now. Jeez, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom.

Resoloution, Justice, and Reflection.

Resoloution.


I spoke to a customer service rep at Microsoft today. It turns out that the people at UPS are smoking some good shit. They tried to return my XBOX to me before it was even repaired. I will be getting it back in about a week from now. That makes me happy (sort of).


Justice.


I was contemplating whether or not I should even waste my time with this person. Then I read this. Oh, and this picture was priceless. (if you look at the photo on the guy's shirt it's from the sex-tape). I got slightly pissed off when they said she was going to house arrest after 3 freaking days. I can't say I didn't expect it though. They released her due to "medical problems"
Yeah, right. It turns out it was all mental, like the mental problems that are associated with incarceration, like loneliness, fear, and not being able to go outside whenever you want to. IT'S FUCKING JAIL, BITCH! Yeah it sucks, but when you drive drunk as often as she did you should expect to do some time. In reality 45 days in county lockup translates into 15 days real time anyway. (Gotta love overcrowded jails) I was practically tap dancing when I found she was going back in. Bravo. Fucking BRAV-O!!!! That pampered bitch needs a huge dose of reality.


Reflection.


I can't stop thinking of what's going to happen on Sunday. My ex and I have been through hell together. This song comes to mind. (Long live Ozzy) I still love her, but I can't take her back. Trust is a hard thing to earn. It's even harder to earn back.

Work, U.P.S., and hot pockets.

Work.

What a day. I worked a 12+ hour day. I kind of fired someone today. I told this person that I am taking them off of the schedule so I could give the people who didn't have second jobs more hours. That was a lie and a half. The truth of the matter is that NOONE liked working with this person. He/She wasn't mean, or a bad person. They were just REALLY, REALLY, hard to work with. (how can you say that someone is AS DUMB AS A BAG OF DOORKNOBS in a nice way?....you can't) anyway... I did what I had to do. One of the pifalls of being in management I guess.

U.P.S.

UPS SUCKS ASS!

A few weeks ago my XBOX360 broke down. Now it is caught in UPS limbo. They tried to deliver it to my apartment, but they only deliver until 6pm. So, I arranged to have it delivered to my job. Did they send it to my job? NOPE!!! They sent it back to the repair center. I COULD BE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES RIGHT NOW! but some dumb ass didn't put the request through. If I don't get it by Saturday I may have to go postal on some people in brown uniforms. What can brown do for me? GIVE ME MY FUCKING XBOX BACK!

Hot pockets


I had hot pockets for breakfast this morning BIG MISTAKE! Why? I will let this guy explain.

THIS LOOKS HILARIOUS

This is plug for a movie I had NOTHING to do with. It's called Superbad and it looks hilarious. It doesn't come out until August though which makes me a little sad that I have to wait so long. Check out the red band trailer. Trust me on this.

Oi Vey.....

Rough day. I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Today at work I had a hard time keeping my shit together. I got weepy eyed reading a review for a romantic film. My ex-girlfriend called me to see if I wanted to go to the Gay Pride Parade. I bet you are wondering why she would ask me that seeing as neither of us are gay. You see, we always used the day of the parade to mark our anniversary. Our first kiss happened right before I went to work that night. I worked for a bar and we set a booth up along the parade route to sell beer to all in attendance. I had fun that night I was riding a high from the first kiss with the woman who I thought I would marry. I made lots of money that night too. I wore overalls with no shirt. The gay boys were loving it. That was eight years ago.
I agreed to meet her for lunch/drinks on Sunday. I'm not sure what her angle is. I wish I could say that she just wants to hang out. I wish I knew in my heart that she didn't want to get back together. I don't. I'm not sure what anyone wants of me these days. I don't want a relationship right now. I don't want to rekindle old flames, I'm not even that interested in sex right now (hard to believe I know). I just need to be me. I need to learn to love myself (insert gratuitous masturbation joke here) again. I need to find myself again. I think I need a vacation. I want a walkabout.

Back-slider

• I think I offended someone when I told them i don't like talking on the phone. If you are reading this I'm sorry.I really hate the telephone. Disembodied voices freak me out.


• I have been drinking too much again.


• I have been smoking.


• I talked to my ex (on the phone).It was a bit awkward but I was really drunk so it helped. It was good to hear that her love life is as bad as mine.


• I hate myself most of the time. Suicide sounds like a good idea, thankfully I'm lazy and I don't like the idea of other people having to clean up the shitty mess that would be my corpse.


• I have to go to work and pretend I'm a happy person. I'm not looking forward to it.


• It's 10:18 I still have to shower and shave.


• I cried for someone else so they wouldn't have to.

Blah, blah , blah, me , me , me , wah, wah, wah, I'm a sad sack these days. I realize this.

I might as well start wearing eyeliner and dressing like Jared Leto.( I actually like this song. does that make me a wanker?)

yet another tribute....

I realize I have been on a tribute kick lateley but this might be the last one for a while. This goes out to JOHN FUCKING LYDON(aka Johnny Rotten). He was the singer of the SEX PISTOLS one of the reasons that music is what it is today. When it comes to punk rock, these guys were the end all be all of the movenent. He was also a founder of the "post punk"/"new wave" movement. You wanna fight about it ? Challnge me then!

Couldn't have said it better. Part II

I came across a passage by Kafka today that resonated with me.




Bachelor's Ill Luck


It seems so dreadful to stay a bachelor, to become an old man struggling to keep one's dignity while begging for an invitation whenever one wants to spend an evening in company, to lie ill gazing for weeks into an empty room from the corner where one's bed is always having to say goodnight at the front door, never to run up a stairway beside one's wife, to have only side doors in one's room leading into other people's living rooms, having to carry one's supper home in one's hand, having to admire other people's children and not even being allowed to go on saying : "I have none myself," modeling oneself in appearance and behaviour on one or two bachelors remembered from one's youth.
That's how it will be, except that in reality, both today and later, one will stand there with a palpable body a real head, a forehead, that is, for smiting on with one's hand.

We need this man MORE THAN EVER

I miss this guy. I really do. He was a visionary. There aren't many men that said the things he said. In fact I have never heard a comic today say something like this, or this. And people like Britney Spears needs to hear this. We need him now more than ever.

Just when I think I have nothing to write about....

Thank you MSNBC. My favorite show on the channel aside from "Countdown" is "To Catch a Predator". If you don't know the premise of the show here goes: They rent a house in a suburban neighborhood, and then they lure unsuspecting perverts who think they are going to meet an underage boy/girl (usually between the ages of 12-15). What they don't know is that the person that they are coming to meet is a decoy from a group called Perverted Justice. It is so hilarious when these pervs show up thinking they are going to meet a kid to have nasty sex with and the host of the show comes out and asks "What's goin' on?" "What are you doing here?" Then he starts to interview them. They try to weasel their way out of it. I applaud what they are doing. Assholes like this need to be taken off the streets.

Tired

Work is becoming cumbersome. I have had to fire someone today. I don't hate my job. I really love it but it is a huge pain in my ass at times. So I am slugging down Guinness and wishing I hadn't left my Kafka book there. It's pretty interesting stuff and I would really like to be reading it right now. At least I would understand this a little better. I get the gist of the post in the fact that the Gov. has pretty much caught itself up in it's own line of BS. I just wish I could be reading the story that inspired the pic. of the man himself. (I realize that I am probably rambling like a crazy person, but I am compelled to write even though I haven't much to say)

Did you ever wake up one day and realize that your life is just not what you wanted? I wanted to be a rockstar and die in my 20's while I looked hot from a drug overdose. But what am I doing now? I'm sitting at home whining to a few people I know and a lot more that I don't know. (wah wah wah woe is me I forgive you if you have stopped reading this pile of self loathing shite) I just wish some rich benefactor would come along and drop a bunch of money in my lap so I could record my opus. I don't mean a sugar mama/daddy. Just some rich crazy person that digs my music and skewed point of view. I realize that that is like trying to bleed a rock but wishful thinking can't hurt right? For some reason I am tempted to say "fuck it" and make a trek to Alaska. I wouldn't mind seeing the tundra before it melts.....

Creativity finally struck me....

As some of you may know I am a musician (sort of). I play guitar and I write songs. I don't get paid for it. I do it mostly to excise the demons from my beleaguered brain.
Today I was going through a box of old comic books and song tablatures that I printed from the Internet. I came across a few old notebooks that were half filled. I have this thing that when I enter into a new era in my life be it a new job, place to live, girlfriend I buy a new notebook. Anyway. I came across from 2003. A song from a concept record that I have had in the works since 2001. The protagonist is one Chip Chernobyl. A young man lost in the world of the future (today).
The character has gone through several changes. He started out as a game-show host that finds enlightenment and leads a revolution to overthrow a totalitarian state, but I could never make it sound feasible to me. So I decided to make him a regular guy just dealing with the madness of the modern world. I want this project to be my Ziggy Stardust. And I think I am finally motivated enough to do it.

I recorded the first song on to my computer today and I converted it to I-tunes format so if anyone wants to hear it just send me an e-mail. Here are the lyrics:

Chip took a swim:

When chip lost his muse
He swam out to the moon
He waited for a typhoon

'Cause she tap-danced out at midnight
A necktie over her eyes
Another victim of too much news.

And something red came from her ear
I guess she didn't want to hear
I guess it was too much

And when the wave it came
Like radiation on the brain
it smacked him up so clear
He didn't need to be here

Stuck out,
Stuttering
and stumbling

#50! (summer reading)

Today I went to Half Price books in search of enlightenment. Hopefully I found some. This is what I got:


Franz Kafka: the metamorphosis, in the penal colony, and other stories.

Plato : Republic

Friedrich Nietzsche: Beyond Good And Evil.


I really hope that these turn out to be fulfilling reads. I have read a little of Kafka before (okay, it was a comic book adaptation of the metamorphosis but I am still counting it). I once owned a copy of Republic but I never finished it, I would like to think that my attention span has grown since then so I think I will give it another go. And as far as Nietzsche is concerned I just wanted to see what the big deal was.

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The Film "Papillon" is on AMC right now I always seem to come in at the same scene where Papillon (Steve McQueen) is in solitary confinement and the warden wants him to sell out someone who is sneaking extra food to him (Dega, who is played by Dustin Hoffman but the warden doesn't know that ). Later on in the film Dega finds out the Papillon is being squeezed for information from a fellow inmate. The inmate asks him "If he talks would you blame him?" and Dega Replies "Blame is for God and small children." I like that.


I may post later. I don't have much else to do.

I thought I would share this.

I just heard Hilary Clinton say:

"I'm going to spend so much time in Iowa that I can caucus myself"


That just sounds dirty doesn't it? I wonder what happens if you type the words "caucus myself" into a search engine? I'll be right back....

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Back. What a bummer. I thought there would be at least one link to an Eastern European porn sites "You watch girl caucus myself now only 9.95 pay credit card please" Oh well. I guess that just goes to show how pervy I can be.