02 July 2007
I'm a selfish bastard.....
When it rains it fucking pours. My little sister just called me. My Mother is in the hospital. She could die. The sad part of all of this is that (aside from the obvious...Mom dying thing.) the first thought in my head wasn't: "Oh fuck, Mom's gonna DIE!" No. My first thought was. "This is really going to fuck up my moving plans." I can't say this isn't expected, her health has been in the toilet since the mid 90's. Is it wrong for me to say that her timing SUCKS....(god that is SO WRONG of me.) "Hey mom can you wait another year to die when I am in a better place financially?" FUCK!!! I'm such a bastard for feeling this way.
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4 comments:
Hey,
I saw that you IMd last night; I was exhausted and I fell asleep. :(
I am so sorry to see this about your mother--are you going to go see her soon?
You aren't a selfish bastard, P. I promise. You have to have a lot of conflicting feelings about your parents because of your childhood, so don't beat yourself up. Just do what feels right and please tell your sister hello for me.
Take care,
M
honestly-i'd prolly have the same reaction for my mom. I know how bad it sounds to other people when they hear us talk that way-but they didn't live through the stuff we did. *hugs* be strong-you can do this- you aren't gonna have to fall back on your folks-you'll make this work-so don't beat yourself up over things you can't control. And deal with your mom's situation the best way you can. Do what's best for you. This is your time to soar. There's nothing you can really do for her at this point unless you wanted to say goodbye- So take care of what you need to and the rest will fall in place.
Love ya,
D
Minty,
I'm trying not to beat my self up. I don't know if I will be able to see her before the end of the month I'm not really too sure of anything right now.
"Me",
I'm trying my best. I'm dreading having to talk to my dad about this whole thing.
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