Saturday Night Karaoke

This is from notes I took while I was out on Saturday night with some stuff I remembered later.

Sat. 3/10:



I have entered enemy territory. I am sitting in a sports bar. Yes. I said it. A fucking sports bar. I really need to get laid but I see that in a place like this the brooding artist routine is only going to get me an ass-kicking. I am having visions of tribal-tattooed backward baseball cap wearing frat-boys high fiving each other while I am coughing up blood and teeth on the pavement, slapping each other on the ass while saying "We showed that faggot to talk to our women".

It's karaoke night. I HATE karaoke with a passion. Listening to a bunch of frat boys butcher Nickelback songs is not my idea of fun. So why am I here? The beer is cheap. For only four dollars you can buy a HUGE glass of Shiner.

At At the moment I am really glad I don't any sort of fire- arms.
There is a guy playing air-drums to a HEART song. Okay "air drums" just got up to sing a RUSH song. Surprisingly he can pull it off. Okay, I'll admit it. This guy does a good Geddy Lee impression. The meat-heads in the bar are convinced that Neal Peart is the singer for RUSH (He's the drummer.) I bite my tongue at the thought of yelling out "It's GEDDY LEE YOU IDIOTS!!!" (See first paragraph.) "Air Drums" finishes, people applaud. He sits down.

Next up is a guy who looks like the poster-geriatric for a Florida retirement community. Cheap grey suit, pink handkerchief in the pocket, big glasses, and one of those hats that Frank Sinatra wore.http://www.dadshats.com/stscede2.html. Right now he is singing a really, really , really BAAAAD rendition of "Islands in the stream" with an attractive black woman. (You just can't make this stuff up!)
I think I have heard the dj's voice in every strip club I have ever been to. "Destiny you're up next, hey fellas lets give a big hand to Glitter as she moves to the side stage. Remember, due to new state regulations the three foot rule is in effect so keep your hands to yourselves."
Next up is a really skinny girl who I am pretty sure is under age. She "sings" Head Like A Hole" by Nine Inch Nails. I can't say enough bad things about this. I really can't. (again, you can't make this stuff up. I mean, I guess you could but it's so much funnier because it is really happening) The only thing I can compare this to is an American Idol audition. IT'S THAT BAD!!!

On that REALLY sour note I slammed the rest of my beer and left. I have come to the horrible realization that if I am ever going to get laid again I may have to move.