It doesn't FEEL like christmas ....

It's is now 7:13AM and I have just awoke from a dream, but instead of visions of sugar plums dancing in my head I saw some really messed up stuff. It all seems like a blur now. I remember there was some sort of Neo-Nazi holocaust that I tried to prevent, global warming, and, I remember carrying Kate Bosworth's corpse (I think she was trying to stop said Neo-Nazi and was killed in the process...I don't know.) I sort of remember people having to move to the equator because that was where all the prime real-estate was(?). And I distinctly remember that my cats were using the freezer at work as a litter box.

What the HELL does all of this mean? I really wonder a shrink would say about all of this. I really don't know. Would they fit me for a straight jacket on the spot? Reserve a rubber room for me? Shoot me full of drugs?(which, given my current state of sobriety might not be a bad thing) Kate Bosworth? I only saw one movie with her in it, so I'm really sort of indifferent toward her. What business does she have dying a noble death in my dream?
I should probably lay off the spicy Chinese food before bed.

BOTOX ! saving the world one wrinkle at a time.

That was the tag-line emblazoned across a 2 page ad in the Dec. issue of Health and Fitness. A magazine that is used mainly for starting fires and lining bird cages because it's free and glossy paper burns so well. The tag line really bugged me. I didn't know wrinkles were a threat to global stability! I mean what about terrorism, AIDS, global warming, a bull-shit war that is killing thousands? Oh no, apparentley that's kid's stuff compared to CROW'S FEET.YEAH, that's the real problem.
And aside from the rather insulting tag-line, there's the picture. It features the illustrious DR. K! Looking suave and davinare. Clad in a tuxedo. Sporting dark glasses, and a haircut that would make Kim Jong Il jealous. And don't get me started on his 'stache, magnifique'. It evokes the vision of a pre-invasion Saddam.
Striking a pose like a Kuwati 007, he is seen stepping out of a silver Lambroughini,poised and ready to rock, in his right hand, he is holding his weapon of mass-destruction, the BOTOX needle, in his left hand, a martini. Wait. What? Are they trying to say he does his work while stewed of Smirnoff ? NOT the impression I want to give potential patients.

But wait, there's more!! Flanking Dr. K are his beauties! To his left, there are a 30 ish mocha skinned babe who looks like she doesn't need his services, and a 40 ish MILF , all blonde and leggy. But to the right of DR. K is the brunette beauty, OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! She looks like she just had the procedure done. I mean, the last time I saw a face that dead looking it was on a corpse. Can you imagine the poor photographer's frustration "excuse me, miss, I need you to smile"
"I am smiling, can't you tell?"
"Nope"
"Wait (strains) How about now?"
"afraid not corpsey"
"wait wait wait, I can do this (strains really hard). Now?"
"Fuck it, lets just shoot it, i need a drink, got any more of those martinis doc?"

What is this world coming to?

Stuff I saw on the bus.

Here is graffiti I saw on the bus yesterday. It was on the back of the seat in front of me.


"Acres Home fck a flu fck a blu watch dis blood hulg your crew on piru"

Thats it, verbatim, I wrote it down. This makes me wish I had an english to gangbanger dictionary or phrase book. I would ask someone to translate it but I think that would go over as well as Kramer at the million man march. I mean, could you imagine my scrawny pale self walking up to the hardest looking gang-banger I can find and say,(in my best snooty British accent) "Excuse me ol' chap. Do you speak street?" I would get shot.

Right after I wrote that bit, I saw some more on the seat next to me, this is what it said:

"LIL YORK TX 34,34 BLOCK
5,9 PIRU BLOOD HOUND
5 POPPIN' SMIX DROPPIN MDB
VI OVA HOOVA GET IT
HOW YOU LIKE LIVE BANGIN"

hmmm, interesting, I'm not sure if this is a back and forth between two rivals, or if it was all done by one person, but I do know one thing. Houston has some dirty assed buses.

sobriety, fun stuff. part II

I wonder when the hallucinations will start. In school my english/theatre teacher MR. B______ made us read Days Of Wine And Roses. I thought the play was kind of scary(at the time anyway, now i bet it would read like an after school special). One scene that sticks out in my mind is when Joe, our soused hero, is walking through a hospital and encounters a DT victim. The poor soul is hallucinating that he is covered from head to toe in ants. Being from Texas most of my life I kind of know how that is (the ants part, I could write a book based on hallucinations I have had. Self induced ,or not.)Anyway, I hope that doesn't happen to me. Of course, my one faithful reader, This could just be the lack of sleep talking.

Work should be interesting today............

sobriety, fun stuff.

I'ts 3:21 am. I haven't had a drink in nearly 24 hours, I can't sleep and there isn't anything on TV. Maybe I should invest in some sleeping pills and lay off the caffiene. Maybe cold turkey wasn't a good idea. Nay, it was a GREAT idea. Seeing my G.F. stumble around wasted reminds me that I don't need that in my life. I'm doing this for the sake of my art.

A moment of clarity?

I have begrudgingly come to realize that my alchoholism is killing my creativity. I know now I need to stop. This is going to SUCK!!
Tonight, instead of buying my usual 12 pack of beer I bought a 12 pack of soda (i think near beer would probably tempt me to go get the real thing). I have kicked bad habits before but this is going to be excruciating. On average I drink at least 8-10 beers a night either that, or a pint of whiskey, or a bottle of wine. Most mornings I would wake up hungover. Before I became a drunkard I wrote everyday. A poem ,short story, or song. Now? I am lucky if I puke up something once a month. this need to change.



and speaking of writing.... here is a work in progress, probably a song. I was stone sober when I wrote this.

UNTITLED:

Atrophied love,
From a phantom pained heart,
Growing on me ,
Like the tissue of a scar.

Sing to me muse
Speak in rhyme,
I'll give you all night,
If you have the time.

She longs to be held,
And I want to hold,
Huddled up in a blanket,
Outside in the cold.

I'm dreaming of lake,
and a mist rising off,
of the inky black water,
toward a sky full of stars.

Oh why
are some
So Far?

And why
are some
so hug-starved?-


that's all for now.

Cold weather has descended on H-Town.

Hello to anyone who cares.,


I work at an ice cream shop in Houston , Texas. If you have ever been to Houston then you know that it's oppressiveley hot most of the year. It makes for a good place to have an Ice cream store though, that is why there are so many. Today a cold front came violentley rumbling through town. I wasn't too keen on the idea at first but then I realized NOONE is going to want ice cream when it is 40 degrees outside. That means I get a break from the customers.
The store I work in is in one of the wealthiest zip-codes in the country, which means the residents have a much different view of reality than most other folks. It's enough to make me want to BLOW MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT!!!!! How the hell can I relate to a 16 year old kid who drive a 2-story suv and has a guatamalean maid to make his bed for him? He walks around like a douche-bag with a cell-phone perpetually attached to his ear, not a care in the world, and I have to decide whether to pay the phone bill or buy groceries. Okay, maybe I'm a little jealous because I grew up in a trailer and douche-boy lives in a mansion and has never come home to find that there isn't any electricity because his alcaholic parents spent too much on booze and forgot to pay the bill, after getting his ass kicked "for being a nerd".

Okay. Now that I got that out of my system, I just turned 30 and I guess I'm feeling a little beat up by life. (yeah, I know boo hoo hoo waaaah , right?) I've come to the realization that I am about 10 years away from boner pills, and knowing my luck (and bladder)20 years away adult diapers. I thought i wasn't going to live this long. I thought that, A: The apocolypse was gonna wipe us all out about 6 years ago, or B: that I was gonna a rockstar's death in a bathroom from one line too many and kids would be walking around with my face on thier t-shirts 20 years from now. As it is ....I work in an ice cream shop and I get angry every time i pick up my guitar because it all sounds like stuff that was cool 10 years ago.

Anyway that's all for now. Here is an idea for a future BLOG. "a twelve pack of beer , one at a time.

Later,
McNazty.