Things I have wanted to say but didn't

• "Ma'am, I hate to tell you this, but your son is going to be a huge pillow-biter when he grows up" (to the mom picking out a Strawberry Shortcake video for her son.)
• " If I hear the words "TWO FOR SOMETHING" come out of your mouth one more time I will eat your fucking face!" (to the old lady who I was stuck in line behind in the express lane who kept saying "These are two for something" over, and over, and over.)
• "Whoa!, I think it moved a little" (To various good looking women who have come into my store)
• "WILL YOU LET ME FINISH A GOD-DAMNED SENTENCE" (to various customers who seem to be in a huge hurry to get their deserts)
• "USE YOUR FUCKING TURN SIGNAL" (To various stepford wives on the road who can't seem to hang up the phone and drive. I can't count how many times I have been nearly taken out by a land rover.)
• "Kid, you DON'T NEED THAT MUCH ICE CREAM! YOUR ASS IS HUGE, where's your mother I'm gonna slap her" (to all of the morbidly obese children that come into my store, I'm sorry but there is something wrong when a kid in the third grade can compete as a light-weight fucking SUMO WRESTLER)
• "Be glad that you are good looking" (to various dingy teen aged girls who say things like "and I was like----, and she was like-----, and like, oh my GOD, have you heard the new Fergie song?) AHHHHHHHHHHH!
• "Dude, you look like a fucking douche-bag dressed like that, oh wait that's because you are a douche-bag" (to all the guys that wear pink polo shirts with plaid shorts and flip-flops and have names like "Sterling" and "Preston")

I could go on for another hour or so but I have to sleep a little more before I go to work. Damn, that was cathartic.